Still hanging on.....

One still to lamb - she now looks as though she will burst!

Meanwhile here is a conundrum for you...

Ewe no 3 had twins, one had an umbilical hernia that was operated on but sadly there must have been other things amiss in the gubbins because whatever went in never came out if you get my drift and it died peacefully on the lawn in the sun wrapped in a towel. So that left No 3 with one lamb known to all as Little Jimmy.

Ewe no 8 had twins - she doesn't appear to like one of them but in this game it is survival of the fittest and we dont think she has enough milk for two. In we wade to top up the skinny one with the odd bottle - nothing like sticking your nose in where Mother Nature is trying to sort it out! She will get us back though dont you worry!

Are you with me so far?

Sadly No 3 ewe decided to become ill and despite numerous injections and attention, bagloads of fresh grass, tasty corn etc etc she passed away yesterday morning - which leaves Little Jimmy an orphan.

Drat and blast -a cade lamb- when that is actually the last thing I need! I can so remember when we first had sheep and was so desperate for a cade lamb! Not any more - I soon got over it after the first couple -what a performance! Not for the faint hearted. It does have its funny side though.

There is an unauthorised short cut to the football field across our sheep field, we had persuaded the cade lambs who were big strapping lads to go back to the flock and try to be sheep not humans. As one gentleman of the parish was on his way to the football the lambs thought he should feed them so they chased him and bunted him a bit, as he got up the other would knock him back down - good game lads - good game! When he got to the football match he was in a bit of a mess. Ooops. He said we kept dangerous sheep - yeah right!

I digressed a bit there -

So yesterday in the rain off I go to do the 10:30am bottle run. I find two lambs cuddled up to the dead mother. Everybody get hankies out - how sad. One is the skinny no 8 - so I feed that. I then get what I thought should be Little Jimmy only to find its the big No 8! So where the hell is Little Jimmy? Not with his deceased mother that's for sure ( She has been removed I hasten to add)

Right across the field I find No 8 feeding Little Jimmy! I give up! She hasn't got enough milk for her own twins so starts feeding another, who is being fed anyway - see Mother Nature having a larf I reckon.

So when we go to feed late last night we take three bottles because we are not sure who is actually feeding who and when anymore.

Lucy our demented spaniel had an operation to remove a mammary tumour and be speyed at the same time yesterday. She is now playing the sympathy card with a vengence. Bless her. She has adopted one of T's soft toys as a puppy and sings to it in a high pitched whine on the sofa ON WHICH DOG'S ARE NOT ALLOWED I may add. Caught her on there this morning and photographed the evidence.

Before Lucy went for her operation she had to be bathed and groomed appropriately and J and his girlfriend offered to undertake the operation. There was much screaming and hilarity to be heard as Lucy soaked the pair of them. There was even more screaming when I found the dog shampoo on the worktop in the utility room and an empty bottle of Pantene Pro V for a glossy shine at £3 a ******* bottle! The dog smelt like a tart when I left her at the vets!

Meanwhile grandson after worrying sheep on Sunday - desperate to cuddle a lamb kept running after them to catch one - decides his true vocation in life will be pole dancing. Well it sure beats shepherding - or ironing.

Anybody want to share this lot? - groan. That will teach me to go through the house like a whirling dervish and wash everything in my grasp.

getting there....

.....on all fronts!

Lambing - one to go, normal sleeping will shortly be resumed thank goodness!

In the lulls between the midwifery, parent craft and nursery moments I have been sorting out cupboards, whole rooms and getting rid of loads of junk, clothes and stuff. Don't we accumulate such a lot of 'stuff' and for what? Well we don't anymore because I have been de stuffing with a vengence and the first person who says 'where's me .........?' will be frozen with a death look like only mother's can give, 'Too late mate - its gorn!'

Youngest son had his final fitting for his contact lens today and has brought it home - the very thought makes me cringe but he is coping like a star. One hour per day for a week then two hours etc - had to go and buy him a decent mirror to do the business. Don't think I could ever deal with contact lenses myself, I curl up from the inside out . Meanwhile phone call from middle son last night simly to report he is in hospital in North Wales - an old football injury has flared up into a haematoma - well if he will go climbing Snowdon, swimming and kayaking - what can you do with one who will not just REST as the Dr ordered?

The witches? - I won!!! They are all feeding like good mothers should and have forgotten their post natal rejection syndrome. This is no. 4 - please note her blue face - that comes from bunting her own baby off four walls when she hated it with a passion. She positively lurves it now!

The old cat has gone a teeny bit senile - bless her - she is 17 now and blind but we can now add 'batty' to her list of afflictions. She went to the vet for a check up last week and had blood tests to check for her kidney function and thyroid gland. She gave all the staff there the run round - she may be old but she can still scratch and bite! The vet rang me the next day and gave the old girl a completely clean bill of health -unbelievable. She is just old and batty - leave it at that. So when she suddenly appears yowling and growling its the cue for 'feed me' at least once an hour if you would't mind 'and dont give me milk I just sick it up again' AND she now has to sleep with the dog - who is completely and utterly batty as well!

It is a big dog bed - move up you two - I'm coming in - welll they say if you cant beat 'em - join 'em! MMMMMmmmm this 'batty' label sounds good to me!

soon to be at a venue near you......

As we sat at the dining table this morning over our breakfast, well I think it was breakfast, I think it was porridge but the days and nights have all run into a bit of a blur....I heard our conversation from a distance ......

'It was Scary Mary that had the twins in the night wasn't it?'

Yep!

'Have you seen the two woolies this morning?'

'Not yet'

Scary Mary and the Two Woolies - I just fell about - it sounds like a skiffle group from the sixties or something.

Three sets of twins in the night - busy busy but at least these mothers are behaving themselves and they appear to like their offspring. Two witches are still under surveillance as they are apt to forget they have babies. On purpose!

A fox ran in front of us as dawn broke - he had a large black chicken clamped in his jaws as he made his way up into the woods. I expect somebody down in the valley is regretting not shutting the fowl up last night.

So there we go - a lovely sunny warm day - we cut up an old fallen down tree for the log burner and stored it all in the log shed. Fed and watered the woolly women for the umpteenth time and put the naughty mothers in their pens for the night away from the fox's attention because they would not turn a strand of wool to protect their lambs that's for sure.

Now - bookings being taken for Scary Mary and the Two Woolies - very reasonable rates any venue considered ......

april showers ...........

If this is an April shower I for one am not amused - it has rained stair rods since early morning. Somebody will undoubtedly have to say 'its good for the gardens' - what about the shepherds and shepherdesses and the poor sheep who have to find a spot in which to lie down and give birth - one shove and straight into the ditch - full of water! Yes they can swim when they have to - so can I!
Last night on our last feed time with the witches the shepherd just shone the torch around the hedgerows and immediately picked up the slanting amber eyes of not one but two foxes. Just there - just in case a ewe lambed nearby. I was incandescent at the cheek of it. 'Fetch the gun!' I said at which shepherd duly fell about laughing!
'Oh yeah - and when I shoot through the hedge and end up killing one of next door's Dexter calves they will be soooooooo pleased!'
So there we were at midnight runing about in our fields clanking buckets and squawking and hissing in the hope that we frightened the foxes to death and next door's calves thought the circus had come to town.
Never a dull moment here!
One witch has succumbed and is now feeding junior on her own without being forced - ah well one down two to go!

Wing-nut is thriving! Wish I could say the same for the staff! One sort of forgets the pain of this lambing lark with the twelve month interval. Its a bit like banging your head on the wall - it's so lovely when it stops. After two weeks of not a lot happening - then total mayhem sets in.
For some unknown reason three well seasoned mothers have given birth - taken one sniff of their offspring and one look at us that definitely says 'if you want me to lick that - on yer bike - I'm orf!' Clean heels and off down the field they have gone! We get them back though and then they are penned up with their babies and we will see who will give in first - it WON'T be me!!
One little chap had to disappear for an hour yesterday to have an operation for an umbilical hernia - he came back staggering a bit but fine.
We were up at the crack of dawn this morning to ensure the three witches fed their babies nicely instead of knocking them off four walls. I just dragged on jumper and jeans over nightie with every intention of returning to bed for a couple of hours. I walked the dog and forgot about going back to bed as newly repaired dishwasher once more pumped gallons of water across the kitchen floor.....spit!!
A couple of hours and another session with the witches and there I was standing in the Nat West Bank in my wellies and rather unsmart lambing gear when suddenly I remembered - I had still got my nightie on - hysteria welled up and took over. I bet they think that the scruffy woman cackling away to herself was out for the day! Shame!
Back at the ranch and another session with the witches in a thunderstorm as the shepherd delivers a lamb in a downpour - hell he gets so ratty if he gets soaked to the skin!! The repair man lay on the flooded kitchen floor and found the problem - another pump needed.
I made cups of tea!
Oh well - back to the sheep shed!

Albert the Asthmatic Owl

He's back!

I keep getting fits of dry coughing in the night at the moment, the legacy of a chest infection from hell or Outer Mongolia I know not which. As the coughing and barking subside and I sit there propped up on every pillow in the house I can snaffle without anybody noticing I can hear husky breathing. At first I think its me, and I hold mine - it carries on as I go blue in the face. It's not the gently purring shepherd either. I try a gentle cough, a 50 woodbine a day cough comes back in echo. Then I know - its Albert, the asthmatic owl that sits on top of our bay window on moonlit nights. I hadn't heard him since last autumn and thought he may have croaked his last owl pellet onto the lead flashing. He must be quite an old owl, we have been here twelve years next week and he has been gasping his last for at leat six or seven of them.

Try as I might I have only caught the briefest of glimpses of him as I creep to the window, he knows and disappears into the trees with a swoop and a cough. So I lie there and listen to his awful breathing and wonder if he listens to mine.

There must be a younger one coming to the bay window as well form the size of the pellets left. I wonder if Albert is teaching his successor to smoke as well?

On warmer nights I think Albert spends most of the night watching the woods from our window, perhaps it retains the heat of the day and gives his poor old feet some comfort.

We started the lambing yesterday - well I say 'we' - the shepherd had had the week off from paid gainful employment to oversee the first week, get the pens ready and do what needed doing to make it all run smoothly - bah!

Thursday he had to go in to work but I was only working a half day, home I toddled. Within 10 minutes I am throwing a hissy fit. Where's the gloves? where's the iodine? Where's the marker spray? Elastrator rings? As first ewe delivers large lamb with long floppy ears. Junior shepherd looks quizzically at it and then at me - 'Wing-nut' he uttered as he sauntered off......

Its going to be a long four weeks I just know it.............................

The wheels on the bus......

The last funeral I attended was heart rendingly tragic - it was for a friend's son, late twenties, a clever young man with a future to look forward to, a cruel illness put pay to all his hopes and ambitions. A few weeks ago in February the eldest son of a neighbouring family here on the edge of the woods died in an accident on Snowdon whilst following his photographic hobby, and this week a young mother released her tentative hold on life in the little stone cottage opposite leaving two beautiful little daughters under school age. Even the birds along the woodland edge seem subdued at the moment. Its all so very sad. These three young people would all have travelled to the school down the valley on the same old rickety school bus and no doubt shared their dreams and aspirations along the way.....there are three empty seats on the school bus now. I sat in the sun this afternoon and thought of them and I hope that somewhere they are together sitting on a daisy covered grassy bank in the warmth, discussing art, photography, music, philosophy whatever...until the school bus catches up with them again - God Bless XXX

The first quarter of the year has been a bit of a roller coaster all round in the 'hovel on the hillside'. Following youngest son's revelation that he couldn't see properly when having his driving lessons we were led down the avenue of eye tests and suddenly we were catapulted into the world of corneas, consultants in white coats, dim lights and glass lenses. Meanwhile A levels have to stay on track, University re visited and on we go...a learning curve we never expected........

The sheep fell ill to a mystery illness and started to rack up bills like a taxi with the meter running. 'Inconclusive' was the word bandied about but which was of little help as we paid yet another fee to have a dead ewe removed. They have stopped dying now - well what is left of our flock is standing up and walking about which seems like a really good idea. I think we may have to make some decisions as to whether we carry on with the sheep once lambing is over.

Then somebody in Bolton decided we needed a bit of a jolt and without so much of a 'by your leave' £700 whizzed out of our Bank account without us knowing. The first we knew was when a direct debit bounced back unpaid - quizzical looks and 'whaaaaaaaaaaat?' and 'whyyyyyyyy?'

Telephone calls to the Branch didn't actually make sense we realised with hindsight - wonderful stuff - hindsight! Things got steadily worse and we could make no sense of any of it, then an all illuminating statement arrived 'OK so who do we know in Bolton that needed £700?' - 'Not a clue!'

A particularly clenched jaw and gritted teeth conversation took place and wonder of wonders an admission was made - we woz robbed! Money, charges, oily apologies flowed back into our account too late for one lot of car insurance - cancelled and two phones - disconnected. Spitting furious from Shropshire met with bank manager - if the option had included crawling up our gritty path naked on her belly she would have done it, in fact the amount of slimy apolgetic letters that have slid up it on their own volition make you want to puke - it should never happen!

Just as I was on my way home after having the news that it was the Bank's error and I could sleep for a night without waking in blind panic, I was in a queue at the traffic lights minding my own business when with an almighty bang up the rear I nearly gave birth to twins! I composed myself and got out and met a gentleman coming towards me saying 'sorry, sorry - I was reading the writing on the van!' (What van? - I never saw a van) I gave him some paper and a pen for his details which he gave without a flinch - then he sort of looked at the front of his car - I've got a tow bar - a good one. Oh dear - his frontage was bent and pleated, numberplate in bits. Suddenly his demeanour changed and he proceeded to call me 'A F***ing stupid Cow!' Scuse me like - but who ran up who'se arse round here?? I left!

The OU Course is on track but I think me and her in charge may have different ideas, the word 'whimsical' has been uttered. 'Whimsical' Moi??? B*gger Off! Reading between the lines I get the impression that my final comment will include the words 'if you as an arty person thought you could write you should perhaps stick to art!' Oh well - there's still time - spit!

Following weeks of stress and mayhem I think my physical health decided to give up and the chest infection from hell with horns on has left me sofa bound, weak kneed and lily livered. Eating? Forget it. I fancied some Green and Black's chocolate Ice cream today - the aftertaste was pure Domestos, I had to have a slice of toast and marmite to take the taste away. I am existing on a diet of antibiotics, steriods and weak tea - oh and we start lambing next week - where's the sodding Prozac ?

I had to go to Bishops Castle to pay some bills in the sunshine for my first solo flight off the sofa and I sort of wheezed and shuffled about thought I would just have a peep at the new season footwear available - I sat in a heap as lovely lady brought me sandals of every size shape and colour, she fed me cough sweets and cold water and I bought a pair of black court shoes - very last season - very half price. I wheezed around to the undergarment corner and spotted a couple of nice cotton bras.

'We wont be having any more of them' ...nice lady trilled across the shop. 'they've gone bust!'

Just about said it all really...................