Hang on to your hats..........3

Unbelievably the sun was still shining on Wednesday morning so it was up and out and down to Seahouses to catch a boat out to The Farne Islands. I do not DO boat trips normally but so wanted to see the puffins and seals and had read Withy's blog and thought bah..no probs I CAN do this. (this from someone who had vertigo for two solid weeks after a barge holiday!) Our alloted time arrived and I gaily tripped down the quayside, down some well worn steps and into our allotted craft. The sun shone, the sea was blue..what more could an intrepid explorer ask for?

I felt a sense of unease as I realised I couldn't understand a word of the safety instructions issued by the driver. The engine was on full bore and he spoke into a microphone, with his back to us, in a Scottish/Newcastle accent....oh well, I'm sure somebody would have got the gist....off we go then.

Out of the safety of the harbour and the current caught us ..whoops...whooooooooooops and I want to get off....NOW! We carried on chugging away ...the Farne Islands appeared to be receding in the distance not getting closer. I became very friendly with my husband ...clinging on to him for grim death...apparently I nearly stopped the circulation in his arm. I adopted a fixed glazed expression as we bucked and rolled the waves, only letting out an ocassional stifled scream. So just when is the driver going to send up the flares? Give us lifejackets? The words from 'Dad's Army' came to mind ...'We're DOOMED I tell you ...DOOMED!' I gave up looking at anything and buried my head into husbands armpit ...then realised my neighbour was burying her head in mine ....perfect strangers ....in the face of adversity one soon makes friends!

After 3 days (well it felt like it!) we reached the islands and son ..who now has total control of the camera (spit) says excitedly, 'Mum, mum look at the puffins!' Apparently my somewhat muffled reply from Husband's armpit was, 'Sod the bloody puffins just get me off this goddammed boat!'

Just where was this waif of a girl who heroically rescued shipwrecked mariners ....she must have been built like a navvy to row a boat in stormy seas ... if these were calm ones today ......

After a more gentle passage around the islands we landed on Inner Farne with the opportunity of an hour on dry land .....I was off that boat at some speed...the driver and his mate helped me over the side and in a stage whisper he said ....'Cross currents are buggers when the tide is coming in but you'll be fine on the way back' I didn't like to own up there and then that I was not actually coming back but was going to claim squatters rites in any building with a door. Apparently I was the colour of a washed out tea towel and probably of the same consisitency.

The NT wardens, all long hair and beards - (and those were the women ...dont know how long they keep them there for) instructed us NOT to stop on the path up to the buildings as the birds right next to the path were hatching eggs and it was a critical moment. So off we go at a brisk pace up the path and guess what? ...The woman I was following suddenly stops to take a photograph with more equipment than would be needed for photographing a whole safari. I cannoned into her and snarled from curled lip' He said NOT to stop' ....She simpered and I glared and husband hurriedly escorted me onwards before warfare broke out or I was sick on her camera case.

They ceremonially dumped me on a seat under the lighthouse wall ...it was the only one unoccupied .....then I knew why! This confounded bird ...all beak and attitude went for me. Squawking and whizzing at my face...I moved...fast (for me) Some clever clogs said 'she doesnt like people getting too close' ...FINE...the feeling is entirely mutual! Eventually we found another perch and after a swig of hot tea from our flask I started to take interest. It was actually really lovely...honest. The sun shone, we could see Bambrugh Castle on the mainland, the birds were amazing, the puffins whizzed by ...I'm sure they have got keys in their sides and at night the bearded women must wind them all up for the day...they just look like clockwork toys.

The trip back was uneventful, as promised by nice man. I was glad I went, it just took a stiff walk across the EMPTY beach at Alnmouth and a couple of G & T's later that evening and I was even contemplating a return trip ...(gimme another G & T quick to forget that bit!)

Thursday ....ye gods ... even more sunshine! Off to Bambrugh Castle then and with a tatty piece of paper, a phone number and when we fell out, directions from a man in a posh suit...we found Crystal Jigsaw and her idyllic farm from where you are on top of the world and can see fields, the castle, the sea ...and ...wait for it ...the trains. Who else do you know with the NE express trains at the bottom of their garden? Well field actually...it was like watching a toy zip past ...I waved ...I waved a lot ...like I am wont to do when I see trains. If I was on the train I would have waved back as well .....

Northumbrian sheep farmer met Shropshire shepherd and they were away ...farming stuff...sheep stuff...tractor stuff ...horsepower featured in there somewhere I bet ...'Look at that dragon fly!' they shouted... as dragon fly the size of a chinook helicopter buzzed past ..it was huge, I'm sure there were passengers in the windows....we wandered on talking away as though we had met a million times before.....well we had hadn't we?

Junior shepherd fell head over heels in love with sheepdog...the one and only Sparky..she does tricks you know ...but then you knew that didn't you?

We had to tear ourselves away to get to the castle before it closed ...but we would have happily stayed there on top of Crystal's world ... it was just wonderful. Remember watching that kitchen take shape ....it is fantastic! It really, really is coz I've seen it .....for real!