Any one seen Andrew Lloyd Webber?

Does he pop into the Purple Cow at all? It's just I've got a bit of an idea for a new musical - instead of 'Cats' could he rustle up an epic on sheep? Well I've got all the characters he could wish for --- mmm.... but can't see Elaine P dressed up in a woolly outfit somehow.... but I'm sure all the clever chaps and chapesses that frequent the Purple watering hole would dress up and take part--game for anything this lot!

We can start with Gladys - she was a fiesty lady - big with it- and had an addiction to ginger biscuits! She arrived with our very first purchases from a farm sale in Llanbister. Gladys had either been a cade lamb or a much loved pet as a youngster because she was completely tame. It was hopeless trying to drive a flock of sheep with Gladys in it because she simply turned to face whoever was leaping up and down screaming, shouting and waving a stick and walked towards them as much to say, 'steady on dearie remember the old blood pressure...' Himself threatened to get rid of her because she was so 'in your face' but then .....if you LED the flock.... she would be there at the head of the queue with her head in your pocket looking for treats. Sorted!

Someone had taught Gladys to jump up like a dog and put her front feet on your chest! Quite a surprise the first few times she did it.... himself was landed flat on his back at least twice and I was caught out once as well. the thing was she was a very big and hefty lump of a sheep! I remember an arrogant official visiting from MAFF as it was then. (You know the type -looked all of 12 years old and shouldn't have been out without his mum.) He informed me that our 'hill sheep' were not actually 'hill sheep' - I disagreed - he virtually stamped his little foot! I requested a second opinion - I thought he was going to cry! I walked towards the gate and he rustled some paper ----Oh no! Too late --- she was there - full tilt - feet on his chest - flat on his back- papers everywhere! I didn't apologise, he never came back and yes they were 'hill sheep! Good old Gladys!

When lambing arrived Gladys would just shell a little replica of herself under the trees and it was back to bossing all the others about. I would sit on an upturned trough watching and waiting and this big woolly creature would be at my side. I could wriggle down and use her as a cushion and have even dozed in the sun like that, with her lamb at my feet and the dog fast asleep as well. You could talk to Gladys - well I did. She adored ginger biscuits and would dance around on her hind legs like a circus animal for one, or two or.........no I didnt give her that many honest!

Then there was Whitney -(Bodyguard was all the rage at the time - and THAT song) Bertha was Whitney's mother, Bertha was Gladys' sister and was built along the same lines -BIG! She delivered twins - a great big tup lamb and .....what the hell is that? The twin was smaller than our cat and feeble with it! Bertha looked at it and as sheepy mothers do - ignored it, disowned it and left it for dead. The lamb came home - it was not as tall as a milk bottle and the cat washed it clean. We fed it and it lived in a shoe box, then in the dog bed in the utility room and eventually out into the dog shed with four dogs and Percy the Pekin. Whitney was a happy little lamb and the time arrived for her to be reunited with the flock - open the back of the estate car, in jumped the dogs and Whitney. Drop Whitney off at the sheep field and pick her up again at night!

Eventually Whitney became a real sheep and stayed at the field. A couple of years ago we had loaded the sheep up in the trailer to take them down to a neighbour for shearing. Two loads - and there were three we simply couldn't get in. Seeing as how one of them was Whitney I put the back seat down in my little Subaru Justy (known as Mother's Skip) lifted the back and the three of them jumped in! They sat down like three big woolly dogs! I drove down to the turning point and there were two women having a goss over the wall as they do... They stared open mouthed and one shouted, "Where are you taking them sheep?" ....."Hairdressers!" I answered.....

Along came Alice - Alice Shearer actually- another teeny lamb that mother found objectionable -but not quite... Alice would come home at night for a bottle and some warmth but then her mother would have her back each morning. One evening mother decided to fight with another great woolly lump and little Alice was trodden on, her front leg was broken. We took her to the vets, convinced she would not be coming back. But no - a little plaster cast was applied, "You must keep the cast dry!" said the vet!

Racking the old grey matter - how do we keep a plaster cast dry on a lamb? Marigold glove finger? ....Too big...Clingfilm?......Nope .....Hang on -..... duck ... here comes a brainwave! A condom! Now to get one! I left a note for two eldest sons who were upstairs tarting themselves up for a Saturday night on the razz, squabbling as usual, (my mum always said we should have christened them Iraq and Iran - well they were always fighting and no one ever knew why!) The note read as follows... 'I dont want to know where it comes from but I am in urgent need of a condom. I will go out now- please leave one before I come back. Thank you- luv mum. X' The reply, with two condoms on the dining room table said, 'Dear mum, have left two - in case you get really lucky .....luv x'

Alice was resplendant in her plaster cast and condom - it lasted for two whole weeks! She recovered and is still with us - a mother now in her own right!

There you go Mr LW thats only three of my cast - plenty more where they came from!